Ok. The goatfox, or gilbertiousferocious, is a complex creature of which relatively little is known. Sightings are normally brief because of its shy and seductive nature, but we have confirmed that they stand upright, have four limbs (two arms, two legs), and like caravanning. Being built in the same way as humans gives them an advantage over most animals in that they can operate heavy machinery, such as Wagons. Normally found in Puerto Rico and surrounding areas, the goatfox finds shelter from the sun in public toilets and football stadiums. These provide a perfect climate for gristles of goatfox to groom themselves and feed. They instinctively groom themselves using their calves as wigs, they are clean wigs. They seem to eat only the finest fibreglass-covered hockey sticks, giving them fibre and glass. One half of a stick can tide a goatfox over until 10 o’clock (Greenwich mean time).
With brains the size of jewellery, their species pose no threat to the reign of the human on this planet, but humans should be weary, in sooth, for goatfox have been found to have violent tendencies if tense or kneeling. It is easy to tell if one resides in your area because of their sizable droppings, normally cylinder in shape, and measuring between 0.5 - 17m in length and 3 - 9 inches in diameter. Although quite dangerous, some can see the presence of the goatfox as a blessing, using their shits as support for growing trees and as protection from tooth decay. Goatfox have been known to live for 30 - 95 years, this seems to depend on income and climate.
This ever-interesting animal can see for miles and hear only their birth father, but as well as this, they supposedly have a sixth sense. We know this sense as ‘corn sonar’, a goatfox will hold up their family until they fall into the sand, the direction of the fall is the direction that should be stroden if corn is to be found. They normally walk left because of the ‘Greyker Shift disease’, rampant among these creatures. This disease, first discovered by Marlon, from Emmerdale, results in the infected goatfox’s left leg to shrink to ½, or sometimes even 2/9 of the size.
Evidence has been found of the existence of two similar yet different types of goatfox, the hairy, Aryan, tardy, hardly fractured (HATHf) goatfox, and the Cameroonian, anarchist, monocle-sporting, prickly (CAMP) goatfox. I shall focus on the CAMP goatfox from here on.
These can be identified by their hairless face and kneefull legs. Slightly smarter than the HATHf goatfox, the CAMP goatfox have created a system of education and politics. They appear to be Republicans.
Education: Combining their knowledge of fine art and world famous chocolate mousse, these animals school their young in the ways of the ancient French. Starting at the tender age of 4, they will be trained to react differently to different drawings in the warm, splendid dirt. Observations have led us to believe the following:
Drawing: Shown Reaction
Toe: Shudder and Wig
Motorhead: Run and wig
La freak, so chic: Hold Tightly
Carmen Electra: Jangle in the wind
This training continues until the age of 8, when the young goatfox is taught to play French rules tiddlywinks. The games will normally be mastered at turning 12. At this point, a CAMP goatfox becomes and adult and is circumvented or circumventilated depending on it’s sex. As an adult, it must now be trained in the art of bus catching and taxi driver rudeness. The young creature graduates at the age of 1925, the ice age.
Politics: The system of politics, although primitive, is very advanced. They have elected Mr Tony Blair as their leader and live in democracy. Their rights are well documented and are as follows:
1. A goatfox is a goatfox can be nothing with out cannon.
2. The second rule can be misleading.
3. Thou shalt not feel.
Mating season for the CAMP goatfox is all the time, they like to suck and fuck. Especially during the summer of love, 7th - 12th May. Their culture allows a male to have 6 partners in a while, but the female only 6, children are allowed 6. Another large part of CAMP goatfox culture is their love of the royal family. They love the royal family this much, -.
So concludes our visit to the realm of the CAMP goatfox wars, join me in the canapé, in the foliage, in the garage, in crates of gold. I hope you use this knowledge for the good of this planet, farewell and greetings. If you bite one hard, you could well develop chronic Croatia. You couldn’t even tell that they are Jim Carrey.