If one is unfortunate enough to find themselves in Ottawa, Kansas, that person should remember the following tips:
1. The Ottawa Music Store is the only useful place in Ottawa.
2. The people that work at the Wendy's in Ottawa, Kansas are fucked in the head. Avoid at all costs.
3. Great place to go to if you're looking to get laid. Also a great place to catch any number of STDs and/or a kid. It is recommended that you use two condoms.
4. If you must go to Ottawa, Kansas for things like a trip to Walmart for shopping, or getting food at McDonald's, remember: Get in, get your shit done, get the fuck out of there. Never eat inside said McDonald's (or any other fast food restaurant), drive thru is best.
Person 2: Wanna hang out in Ottawa Kansas?
Person 1: No.
Person 2: Why not?
Person 1: Because I have respect for myself, that's why.