Philo(love of) theria(wild
beasts). A poncy name adopted by those that think showing a special
interest in the welfare of animals makes them appear kinder, gentler and more sensitive
souls. This is particularly useful for those intent on gaining the moral high ground over
the mean girls that bully them at school. 15 year
old female Philotherians
(99.98% of all known Philotherians
), can be found frequenting juvenile blogs such as Tumblr posting
non-smiling selfies in various states of undress. When not posting
selfies they like to write overly-long articles about the agony of menstrual cramps and the importance of following a low-fat vegan lifestyle. Philotherian males
are a small
but growing number of self-hating
boys that wish to ingratiate themselves with
the aforementioned girls.
Mom: How was school today, sweetie?
Jane: Okay, I guess. Sarah and me were
Mom: Oh yeah? What's that, sweetie?
Jane: Well, Sarah said she saw Rachel spitting on Mrs Jones' cat. I think that's really evil. Rachel's a bitch. She comes to school dressed like a prostitute and she's got the boys
running around after her. Boys
Mom: Not all of them, sweetie. Your father was a lovely boy at your age.
up,, mom. I'm not talking about
dad. He's like really old. Boys were different
Mom: I'm sorry, sweetie.
Jane: Well, anyways, mohhhhm, a Philotherian is an animal lover and we want to stick up for animal welfare issues.
Mom: That's because you're a beautiful young woman, sweetie.
Jane: Thanks mom.