According to most theories, the black box is a blackened lock box containing precisely one thousand condoms. This box, only opened once every thirteen years to a certain individual of superior strength. Once opened, the box opener, or the Jehosaphat, must use every single condom in a 24 hour period. If he does not complete the task, his sexual organs will implode violently, effectively killing him. If he successfully completes the task he will be blessed with a cock of magical size and powers. The length will be precisely 6 inches, when folded in half, before getting up. Also, the victorious Jehosaphat will have complete control over his crotchal region. Erection and ejcatulation at complete whim.
Queemo ~ Open it up fool!
Dave Chappelle ~ I don't know man, that's pretty nasty bitch!
Spang Man ~ It's what's for dinner
Dave Chappelle ~ Byaaaaah!
It does this by changing the voltages over the lines to a state where the phone company doesn't monitor and bill.