The act of true American patriotism in bed. First, purchase greeter smocks from Wal-Mart, which will be the only clothing worn. then, use a jug of oil (bonus points if it's from the deep-fryer at McDonald's or motor oil from GM) and slather it on each other. Then, while watching Leave it to Beaver, Full House or a similar wholesome family sitcom, bust a nut on the female proclaiming "you just got punk'd". In retaliation, the woman takes a hot dog and eating-contest style, slides it fully into her throat, then turns over her partner and, again only using her mouth, pushes it between his ass cheeks
. She then is free to bind his hands and waterboard him with urine. Top it all off by sticking a mini American flag in the hot dog while watching The O'Reilly Factor and listening to Howard Stern.
Man, I don't know what happened last night. Me and the wife were drinkin' moonshine when all the sudden she decided we should Colbert.