2. noun - a piece of ass.
3. noun - referring to a person in power that has the best intentions, but often fails miserably at everything they do. Usually preceded by the word "Captain"
2. Check out the crumpet on that walking spit roast.
3. If Captain crumpet doesn't start Stumpy Stu on the bench this game, I'm going to shove a stick up his ass and use him as a toilet brush.
A Crumpet is in fact a horrifically ugly mess of a woman, who bares some similarities to a Crumpet. E.G: A cratered face, A greasy face, A short rounded physique. A Crumpet is in fact a woman, who a man should never touch with a bargepole. If a man does 'Eat a Crumpet,' he should lose all respect and all social status.
Male #1: *Wretches* Look at that mess on the other side of the road!
Male #2: What a crumpet. I'd never spread my butter on that.
Male #1: *Wakes up in unfamiliar bedroom. Looks at the woman lay in bed next to him. Instantly thinks 'What a filthy crumpet!' He then legs it to the nearest exit.*