Cellist: Nice bow. What's it made out of?
First violinist: YOUR MOM'S CHEST HAIR!
Conductor: Why are you playing so quietly?
First violinist: I'm a mouse, duh.
Flautist: What's up with the bassist? I feel like she's hiding something.
First violinist: That's why her instrument is so big. It's full of secrets.
Oboist: What do you have against the concertmaster?
Bassoonist: She's a life ruiner. She ruins people's lives.
Concertmaster: I can't play Pachelbel. I'm on an all-Romantic repertoire. God, Karen, you are so stupid!
First violinist: If you're from the viola section, why are you good?
Concertmaster: Oh my god Karen, you can't just ask people why they're good.
First violinist: She doesn't even go here!
Conductor: Do you play in this orchestra?
Soprano: No, I just have a lot of feelings.
Clarinetist: Made out with my instrument? Omg that was one time!