the arts: fashion, music, literature, fine art. said things are more hip if they are foreign. when discussing music, must claim to prefer oldest album to show that the discovery of musician was not recent. favorite writers include Fyodor Dostoevsky, Jack Kerouac, Jean Paul Sartre. wants to major in art or philosophy, then travel the world.
academia: politics, history, current affairs, pop culture. must heavily mock conservative Republican politicians. criticizes historical events and mistakes while discussing and criticizing current national and world affairs. makes approximately ten obscure pop culture references per minute. virtually a human-wikipedia.
pastime: attends shows, creates abstract art, discusses foreign policies, quietly drinks coffee at Starbucks while reading Animal Farm and listening to A Tribe Called Quest with large headphones. often brings along Macbook to update Flickr with warm-green-tinted photos of friends standing in wheat fields. carries cheap wine around at parties and drinks straight out of the bottle.
hipsters deny that they are hipsters and mock other hipsters for being hipsters. most everyone who can define the word "hipster" probably actually belongs to the hipster subculture in one way or another.
hipster2: okay. i'm already annihilated
"yeah, that little indie kid, why?"
"i saw her in a coffee shop they other day, reading The Brothers. She now goes by Anthurium..."
"Oh, our little indie kid has transformed into a hipster butterfly!"
Though early women evolved to prefer muscular, athletic, confident, secure men, hipsters are convinced that men who try to achieve these characteristics and their female admirers are doing so because they lack the intellectual capacity to realize that pale, sickly men with a smug attitude make the best partners.
hipster 2: I totally feel that. Oh hey the new iPhone 4 is out in stores!!!!!
hipster1: Oh! Em! Gee! i'm gonna call my mom and ask her for a check. Check your GPS for the nearest Apple store.....
average person: "oh..um.... i just like their music...because it's good....im sorry?"
hipster: *puts on fake glasses and walks away*
and finger-poppin' daddies:
Knock me your lobes.
This bit of hipsterism was written by "Lord Buckley" (Richard 'Lord' Buckley'), who was a singular, amazingly influencial (Caucasian!) comic genius that looked a little like Salvador Dali, affected a British accent, dressed in a tux and was best known as one who performed hipster interpretations/translations of well-known dramatic scenes and notable speeches.
The above quote comes from Lord Buckley's version of the very beginning of Mark Anthony's funeral oration in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar:
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones...