Medical Scientist Training Program
1. A degree granting program providing both MD (medical doctor) and PhD (doctor of philosophy) degrees.
1. A training program barely funded by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) to make sure the people they eventually fund are socially inept enough to dedicate their lives to science forever.
2. A career path for students arrogant enough to believe they are better than both PhD's and MD's
3. A method of spending your entire 20's towards a goal that simultanously makes your mother proud, your younger brother jealous, and your friends laugh at you when they're married with house/car/401K while you still go to ice cream socials for free food.
at 22yrs old: Hey buddy, I got into the MSTP. My life's going to be great. Good luck with your 100hr work week at <insert I-bank>. Haha... I'm gonna be a doctor^2
at 23: Med school's kinda lame.
at 24: Beta-blockers, I guess? Med school's lame.
at 24: Wheh, boards were tough. Time to study for quals.
at 25: grad school's lame, time to study for comps.
at 26: grad school's lame.
at 27: who knew that after I-banking, <insert friends' names> would be making $100k? Thank God in just 3 years, I'll be a resident starting at $44k.
at 28: I am the master of the <insert 24 letter molecule name here>. Nobody will ever understand my thesis, but <insert semi-famous researcher> thinks I'm real smart.
at 29: What the hell is a beta-blocker?
at 30: To think, in just 5 years, I get to start writing grants again -- I hope <insert semi-famous researcher> still remembers how smart I am. Mr. Patient, could I practice my neuro exam on you... the real doctor will be here in a minute to go over your lab results... but I think he'll start you on beta-blockers.. Wait, I'll look that up on UpToDate.
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